3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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