I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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