Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
