I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Randomize
