Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
