Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
