Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
