just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I stole a fireplace last night.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize