Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
