1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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