If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
