How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We left an ass print on the piano.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
