I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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