im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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