she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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