Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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