dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
