You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
