My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
