We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
