K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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