my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
