Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
