I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
