i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
