shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Randomize
