Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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