if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize