it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
