Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
