i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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