yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
