she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
