he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
