party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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