Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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