rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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