I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
