I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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