Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I am available for nakedness
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
