Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize