my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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