If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
