I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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