who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
