So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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