Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
