remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
