yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
