Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
