You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
