so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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