I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
