If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
