He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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