My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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