he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
