i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i think im in europe. pls send help
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
