She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
