I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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