Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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