Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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