I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
