My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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