It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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