i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
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