How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
