oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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