At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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