I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just found a bag of teeth...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Randomize
