I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
