Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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