I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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