I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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