they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
